Ski - No Class - Lots of memories

Sweet blog~ yh , you are saying you were expecting to see a sweet post for today. it can still be sweet. im not that much bitter, but im also not sweeter than your close friends.
yh hopefully our class canceled today. you know that today's plan was something else, but i just suggested you what if we use this free time and we go for ski. hopefully , since you like ski a lot and you always wanted to try it with me, you approved it so fast. with a big smile... that im always crying for it when im alone, cuz this smiles... may not be always for me.. just me and my soul and my heart.
you know, you do everything for me and in your eyes i might not appreciate it at all... i feel this. im jealous. jealous of you, jealous of me when its with you, jealous of those people that you know yourself. 
i know one day with all things i do, with all fights i make and with all argues i do i will spoil everything and like always i will be the last and worse girl in the entire world.
who touches you? who looks in your eyes? who hugs you? who sits beside you,in your car and talk with you when there is no me to touch your hand and drip down all the love tears... who...
sorry,.. im heavily crying.
dont feel bad again. these tears are coming out from my eyes. those eyes that now are used to crying. they are friend with little tear drops. they sing a lullaby with dripping rhythm. 
ski was fun, kissing you, hugging you in a freezing cold atmosphere was lovable. holding your hand and sliding on the snow was romantic. but,... 
you belong with me...but i hope this " me " never changes for you..
you are tired of this situation. you are sick of my sadness in wrong time. in times that im supposed to smile so widely and scream out of happiness but i rather prefer to cry and feel bad..
am i used to bad imaginations?!
..
you always say you want to see me happy, you want to see me smile . my happiness makes you feel good. but im always sad and that makes me boring for you :( 
we had fun today but...a girly secret inside me disturbs my happiness. a jealousy feeling.
come hug me ... let me cry.. let me shout... let me throw this annoying sob out..
who cursed me...
who was jealous of our love.
who hated me...
i stayed for you... i stood still, i lied for you, i died for you... i broke for you. i beated for you ... i cried for you.. not a day not a month but monthsssssss........
im not that cruel..
im enemy with evil
just friends with angels..
and in love with a prince with his white horse...
have a lovely night my sweet dream....